Home of The Society for Greater Picklejuice Awareness (Middle Tennessee)
Since 1999

Since its inception in January 1999, The Society for Greater Picklejuice Awareness [SoGPA] has worked toward one simple goal: Better Living Through Picklejuice. When Cuzn Ed founded the Middle Tennessee Chapter several minutes later, it became possible to heighten public picklejuice awareness as never before! To that end we have erected this webkiosk, where we can inform you, intrepid mousepotato, about the healthful and spiritual benefits of picklejuice.

You've heard about the extra energy you can get from ginseng. You've heard that a diet high in fiber can prevent colon cancer. You know that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. And you think you remember learning something about lamb's blood on your doorpost and God killing your enemy's children. Or something like that.

All these are child's play.

If you really want to be healthy, picklejuice is your answer! If you really want to experience the Eightfold Joy of absolute, complete spiritual enlightenment, picklejuice is your answer! If you really want to have better orgasms more frequently, forget the Kama Sutra, picklejuice is your answer!

You see, scientists at the Halls of Medicine are just now discovering what we at SoGPA(MT) have known for days: the fresh-squeezed juice of the kosher dill pickle is Mother Nature's elixir, capable of fixing that depressing thing you call your life in ways castor oil and Blue Star Ointment never dreamed of! When you drink picklejuice, your body exclaims, "You like me! You really like me!" When you drink picklejuice, your soul tap-dances. When you drink picklejuice, your tastebuds high-five each other and sing "I Believe I Can Fly." No other dietary supplement can make these claims. Only picklejuice can give you The Total Life Turnaround.

So many people stop us on the street and ask, "Cuzn Ed has convinced me! But can't I just eat a pickle?" We always chortle condescendingly, pat them on the shoulder and say, "No, Grasshopper. No you can't." See, when you eat a pickle you get a little picklejuice, sure - but you also get a lot of pickle, which only serves to dilute the miraculous curative power of the picklejuice. But when you drink the picklejuice, you get nothing but super-concentrated panacea. Remember Ron Howard's classic film Cocoon, where all the old farts swam in the water that had the alien thingamajigs in the bottom, and then they got laid and went dancing and stuff? That's what picklejuice is like: no additives, diluting agents, perfumes or dyes, just the pure, unadulterated nectar of the gods.



So then they start whining, "But, Cuzn Ed, I don't like the taste of dill picklejuice! Can't I drink sweet picklejuice?" This is when we educate them about the sound of one hand clapping them upside the head. Look, nobody knows why, but sweet picklejuice just don't work - just like nobody really knows why the unicorns ate all the dinosaurs. Ever hear of a little thing called faith?!? A great deal of research is being done to determine just what it is about true picklejuice that turns losers into swingers, 90-pound weaklings into 90-pound smartasses. Literally tens of dollars have already been allocated to this exciting new branch of parapsycholophysmology. But it's only going to tell us what we already know: picklejuice is modern manna, conveniently packaged in vacuum-packed jars, sent from heaven above to drive the demons of ordinariness out of your life!

You remember Peter, Paul & Mary for such politically charged songs as "Puff the Magic Dragon," but they're also nutritionally conscious, as they show in their classic "Lemon Tree":
When i was just a lad of ten
My father said to me
"Come here and take a lesson
From the lovely lemon tree
Don't put you faith in lemons, boy"
My father said to me
"I fear you'll find that lemons aren't
As good as picklejuice

"Lemon tree very pretty
And the lemon flower is sweet
But the juice of the poor lemon
Won't bring The Total Life Turnaround"
"Yeah, Dad was sure smart, but any ancient mariner could rime way better," quips Peter. Hard to believe he had no sense of humor before discovering picklejuice! "But it's true, man," retorts Paul. "Before picklejuice, we couldn't even dig rock 'n' roll music." Sobering words for us all, even though Mary declined to comment.

So have a look at these pages, prepared for your edification. You'll meet people who've experienced the wonders of picklejuice first-hand, and lived to tell about it! You'll find out about picklejuice-aware musicians in your area, who deserve your support. You'll even get to read powerful picklejuice-inspired essays & poetry (that's what he calls it, anyway) by our founder, the mysterious Cuzn Ed.

Don't delay...picklejuice today!